For the Love of God, Can I Just Carve a Wooden Duck?

Brian Joines & Dean Kotz “Krampus” (Image, 2014)

 

It’s December, and between the cookies, the brittle, and the Hallmark movies you’re suddenly seriously at risk for diabetes.  You need a little something to cut the sugar, like coffee with a donut.  You don’t want something mean, just something to take the edge off.  Those sugar shakes can be nasty.

Fortunately Brian Joines & Dean Kotz have just the thing.  Their limited series Krampus collected into one handy trade paperback. 

There’s a set up that’s simple for anyone who’s ever watched a few Christmas specials.  The magic of Christmas is under threat because someone stole the skull of St Nicholas.  (Given the amount of threats to Christmas, it’s a wonder that it ever actually happens.)  The Secret Society of Santas (all the various cultural Santas from all over the world – and yes, they’re basically all dicks) are trapped at the North Pole, and they have to release Krampus to investigate.  He’s fitted up with a bomb that will go off if he tries to punish any kids (remember when I said they’re dicks?), and sent off to investigate.

What happens structurally is that Krampus now becomes a reluctant hero, instead of an anti-hero or outright villain.  This is important because this story isn’t a deconstruction of Christmas stories.  It’s just one that isn’t perhaps as sweet as what you might expect.

What we end up with is an action and intrigue filled story with Krampus travelling the world to save Christmas.  

It’s fun, it’s funny, it’s the savory treat you need to balance all those holiday sweets.  There’s a tease for a second volume at the end, and I’m hoping that they go there.

Tiny Christmas Music

Over at NPR's Tiny Desk Concerts you can catch a short holiday set from the Preservation Hall Jazz Band.  Tasty!

It's A Bad Brains Christmas, Charlie Brown!

"It's Christmas, Carol!" (2012)

This year's Christmas Carol watch has already begun.  Mrs Burgoo & I started the season with this new production from Hallmark.

It's Christmas, Carol! is a standard gender inversion of the tale.  (These seem to be growing in popularity.)  Carol, Emmanuelle Vaugier (The Morrigan from Lost Girl) is a cynical profit minded publisher (Scrooge).  She is visited by the ghost of the firm's previous owner, Eve (Carrie Fisher).  Eve takes her around, shows her scenes from her own life & that of her employees in order to change her ways. 

By Hallmark standards, this one is a winner.  The production values & acting were all far above their normal offering.  There were even a few knowing references to "Queer Eye" & "Star Wars" that poked a bit of fun at their stunt casting.  However, it is still a Hallmark movie, so don't expect great things.  For a film about people in the publishing industry, there were a lot of grammar & vocabulary issues with the script.

A few odd changes from the standard story:  Marley (Fisher) was a great person.  She isn't brought back to show Scrooge (Vaugier) how she's suffered, but rather more as a spirit guide.  I was a bit reminded of It's a Wonderful Life. 

There's also a large emphasis on Scrooge's failed relationship.  It seems that the meaning of Christmas is not giving, but rather being in a relationship.  That's more than a bit creepy, & furthers the theory that Hallmark's movies are for lonely women.

Also missing:  Tiny Tim.  While one of Scrooge's employees did have children, neither were sickly or particularly involved in the story.

Overall, a solid "C" on the production. 

"A Carol Christmas" (2003)

Why did I watch this?  Optimistically, I was hoping for a "so bad it's good" experience like "Santa Buddies".  First, there's the gender switch trope which is a pretty solid signifier of low quality.  Second, the cast:  Tori Spelling  & William Shatner get top billing.  I didn't even know about Gary Coleman!

I have to say that my modest hopes were dashed.  This was easily the worst version of "A Christmas Carol" that I've seen.  The acting was even worse than I expected.  I'd never actually seen Tori Spelling, but she was actually below my (low) expectations.  It was interesting to see someone get outacted by Gary Coleman.  That's really not something that you see every day.

There were also a couple of changes to the actual story that did have some impact.  Scrooge (Spelling/Carol) was manipulated into her Scrooginess by her aunt (Marley).  If Scrooge is deprived of agency, then the ultimate redemption of Scrooge is not as powerful.  Scrooge's brother-in-law doesn't dislike her (there's normally tension between the family members, as everyone else talks down Scrooge, but the nephew sticks up for him).

Santa Buddies (2009)

Sometimes things become so bad that they go around the scale & become good again.  That's the case with this movie.  Don't let the fact that there are some recognizable names (Christopher Lloyd, Tom Bosley, Tim Conway, George Wendt) fool you. 

This movie is firing on all cylinders:  a convoluted Christmas mythology, a nonsensical plot, bad CGI.  Oh yeah -- there's even a musical number!

What continually amazes me is that every scene is a disaster!  You would think that somehow, there would be at least one scene that is just flat (I'm not even holding out hope for a good scene).  But no!  Each & every scene is laughably terrible!

It's rapidly on it's way to becoming a perennial holiday favorite in our household.